As masochistic as i am i hate punishment, as far as i am concerned it has nothing to do with erotisism, sm or anything remotely exciting and everything to do with shame, pain and dissatisfaction. So when Master decided to punish me last week while i was held securely in position by a metal contraption He'd recently bought i was quite confused. i'd been quite excited about the new thing, a bar with shackles and wrist restraints and a neck restraint but that didn't fit with the 20 lashes with the rubber strap He'd told me i would receive.

The first lash was hard and took my breath away and left me with the feeling that i just would not be able to get through it. By about the fifth stroke all my attempts at concentrating on the punishment were lost in a desperate attempt to keep my weight on the tips of my elbows, failing miserably because of the hard surface until finally my arms just collapsed shifting all my weight onto my neck. Just as i thought i was going to choke Master released me for a while before restraining me again, this time with a towel under my elbows.

This helped for a little while but i could not stop my body from jolting with each lash causing the neck restraint to jolt just as hard into the back of my neck or my throat. With each blow i desperately tried not to move at all but the pain was too harsh and my panic kept growing along with the frustration that i could not stop my body from jolting. All i could think was that i wanted it over with as soon as possible. Master kept telling me that i had to count and thank Him louder and i just not could cope with it all, the only thing that actually stopped me throwing myself off the table at a certain point was the fear that i would perhaps break my neck in the fall. Breathing became more and more difficult as the panic grew, all i could do was try and count as quickly and loudly as possible.

i hate the rubber strap with a vengenace but it was nothing compared to the distress that the neck shackle caused. It was a huge relief when it was finally over and Master released me and i could flee to the bathroom. Master doesn't punish me often but when He does, He does it with vigor, though i must admit i've never felt such fear at Him punishing me before.

It's weird how something that seemed potentially extremely exciting can turn into a nightmare in such a short time.

After several weeks of working away from home for 6 six days a week, from off now it will only be three days. Its been a pretty heavy time, leaving home in the dark and returning after dark. i've so become accustomed to being around Master all day, that was the most difficult part, not being with Him for such lengths of time daily. It also made it difficult to maintain my slave duties, Master was lenient on me when it came to the rules during this period but unfortunately i was lax in some of them resulting in Him punishing me the other night.

First i received 5 lashes with the rubber strap for my forgetfulness on just as many occasions. As always i struggled hugely with the pain before thanking Him and asking for the next stroke while not moving from my position, bent over the puff with my legs spread wide and my arse in the air.

Then i received 10 strokes with the rattan cane. Each stroke was hard and took my breath away but now i too was able to remain in position and after the initial fiery pain died down ask Him for the next. The two different implements caused two totally different sensations, both harsh, the two different reasons for the punishment also caused two different emotions and feelings. The first being more about penance, the second about acceptance and love.

Hopefully life can return to normal now and i can concentrate more on not only what i see as my task but also my ambition and goal, to serve Master in the best possible way and to be a slave of whom He is proud.

It really has been forever since last i wrote, life has been hectic. The upside is that it also entails that Master has not punished me in that time (i am always to write a private report for Him and a public one here when i am punished,) the down side is that it's my reason for writing now.

On a shelf in the living room stands an abacus, each time i disobey or am lax with my rules one bead is added and at a certain point Master punishes me accordingly. There were now 4 silver beads, all pertaining to being late putting on heels. One black bead which Master had said would be a more serious punishment, it was because i had not been practising with the buttplug as i said i would.

First Master dealt with the 4 silver beads, giving me one hard lash with the rubber strap for each. The strap is nasty. Very heavy but causing a horrible stinging after impact. After each stroke i counted and thanked Him. He then told me i would receive an additional 10 strokes with the cane for not using the buttplug, after which He would insert a buttplug with tail that He had recently purchased.

The caning was severe, i was pretty immobilized as Master had me bent over the poof with my wrists and ankles cuffed and chained with a chain also attached to my collar.

my arse was still very much on fire from the strap and it was a huge struggle to not try to twist away, which would have been futile given my position anyway. Each lash was hard and some where in the middle i had no idea what the count was, whether i should be thanking Him or asking for the next one. The pain was all consuming and anything else was pretty impossible.

As always the last stroke was the most severe and it was a huge relief to have it over and done with. When the pain subsided i would reflect on the reason for the punishment, determined not to let it happen again.

i felt how He started to press the butt plug against my arse. Even though i very much struggle with anal play, i'd thought it a fitting end to the punishment, as i'd forgotten this on several occasion in spite of Master reminding me. As He pushed further i felt a blinding pain which was worse than the rubber strap and the cane combined. i so didn't understand it. Briefly it crossed my mind that He was using the larger of the two plugs He'd bought but for some reason i dismissed that idea straight away and tried my hardest to relax. One thing i hate about butt plugs is the ridiculous form, once its past the thicker part i can usually deal better with it, now all it felt like was i was being torn apart. Not even in a sense of being stretched but more like my skin tearing. i tried desperately to just remain calm but the harder He pressed the more excruciating the pain was and i no longer could fight my tears. my head was buried in the poof and i tried to muffle my sobbing as best possible because i did not want Him to hear but there was no question of anything sliding anywhere. Over and over He pushed to no avail, He asked it it was too much, i'm not sure if i did say no or not, it felt very much like failure, especially as i thought He was using the smaller plug. Eventually to my huge relief Master stopped. The pain caused by the strap and cane was long forgotten, not only by the pain caused by the plug but also by the total humiliation and embarrassment of failure.

When later i saw that He had in fact used the larger plug i was less surprised at how painful it had been. i now just have to make sure this never happens again.

Its been a while since Master has punished me, unfortunately not because i have not earned punishment but because He bought an abacus a little while ago and now my shortcomings/mistakes/disobedience are accumulated on that until Master decides when He will punish me. Considering that it had been nearly two weeks worth and only four beads were sitting there as a reminder that at some point i would be punished i was kind of sort of pleased that i had made so few slip ups. Forgetting my shoes for a second time last night was however too much and Master decided that i needed to be punished right then. As always He used the rubber strap (i hate that thing with a vengeance.) He gave me 7 strokes, 3 extra for the last slip up. Now i just need to make sure the abacus stays the way it is for a long long time.

And the battle continues, again i received 15 strokes for being too late with my shoes, maybe getting out of bed at times that are later than i should be doing that isn't too conducive to good time keeping...

i'm not doing too well with my battle to not forgot to put on heals on time at night. Last night i was again too late and again Master punished me with 10 lashes with the rubber strap. Oei i really do hate that thing, that said i am glad that He does punish me when i'm disobedient or lax in my duties as His slave. Discipline, humiliation, total submission are fundamental aspects of a D/s relationship for me.

Given our erratic life style its sometimes difficult to keep up with the times etc, we'd not gone to bed until the early hours of the morning and so woken very late and my head was still some where in the clouds from the previous evening, we saw Lou Reed perform Berlin live, totally awesome. i've been a huge fan of that specific album since goodness knows how long and i'm so happy that Master pushed me to go. The concert itself was less dramatic than we had expected but it was an unforgettable experience, though getting there and back had in itself been a feat. We some how missed the train we had been planning on taking and so had to wait a half hour for the next, i went to sit down in the train and some how one of my labia became pinched between the ball and the ring that i had through both labia. The rest of the journey i spent desperately trying to release it but everything i did was just making the situation worse and we'd arrived at our destination. i decided to just leave, while i was standing it wasn't too painful and try to fix it once we got home.

After we found our seats sitting was virtually impossible, the pain was horrible, i was wearing a very tight leather skirt which squished my thighs together trapping my labia between them. i tried to find a position that was bearable but i was stuck like that until the lights finally went out and i could put my hand under my skirt and pull my piercing up and out between my thighs, after that it became more bearable and i was able to enjoy the concert with only a slight pinching sensation. After again missing our train and having a 20 minute delay with the next train we finally managed to get one and i spent practically the rest of the journey trying to free myself. Master tried to help several times but my screams of agony soon made Him decide it a better plan that He sit on the look out and i just spread my legs as widely as possible and try to work my skin back over the ring, the relief when i finally managed to do was humungous.

If i'd liked clamps it might have been a cool experience but i hate them with a vengenace, so it very much was not. Hmm thats not quite true, last night Master fastened my wrists above my head and slide the dildo stand between my legs, of course just low enough that i had to work to feel the dildo deep inside my cunt, before attaching 4 scissors clamps to my tits. He then hung a weight on each clamp and it felt extremely good. He began hitting me over my whole body with a crop, my arse, back, legs, arms, tits and cunt, which ever part of my body He aimed at i arched toward Him, wanting to feel each stroke to the fullest. He came and stood behind me lifting my tits before dropping them, letting the weights tug down heavily, the pinching of the clamps was nicely bareable and the weights an added bonus, hmm now that's not something i'd thought i'd be saying about any kind of clamps.

Master exchanged the crop for a rubber whip, concentrating on my back until it felt as if it were on fire, before turning His attention to my arse, sides and tits. All the while i was feverishly riding the dildo, Master had told me that i was to keep count of the amount of times i'd come, which at a certain point was not an easy feat, the continuous whipping, His hands squeezing my tits and lifting and dropping them and intens orgasms had me floating far, far away. Suddenly i felt a dull thuddy pain and realized that He must be using the iron cane, it has totally no give, very intense. Next Master used the single tail, at first not such hard lashes, the kind that had me squirming and lowering myself as far as possible onto the dildo but in between a hard lash would come making me cry out and try to turn and twist away from the whip. Master asked if i knew why He was beating me and when i told Him i didn't He said it was because He could, because i was His property to do with what He wished. After that i got lost into just that, being His property, each stroke i welcomed until the lashes became unbearable, i heard myself pleading Master please but each time i heard Him answer 'please what slave?' i could only reply 'please hit me harder Master' or 'please do what ever You wish with me Master' i could not say please stop.

Finally Master released me and i knelt and kissed His feet to thank Him then drifted off into bliss at His feet while He held me. my arse was still sore later that night when we went to bed. When i kneeled at the end of the bed as usual waiting for permission to get into bed with Him i felt how He reached between my legs and as i felt Him tug i looked and saw how He'd fastened a chain to my clit piercing, it pulled down heavily, only made worse by my movements when i felt Him thrust His fingers inside me. He was fingering me hard while caning me at the same time and all i could was thrust myself back against Him. Abruptly He pulled out His fingers and told me to come and serve Him with my mouth. i eagerly crawled toward Him on the bed, feeling His fingers back inside me as soon as i knelt and took His cock deep into my mouth. This is position that is so trusted, so many of our evenings end this way, my mouth filled with His cock, His fingers thrust deep inside me and the twisted rubber cane continuously raining down on my arse, all with the hope that i would soon feel Him deep inside me. The effect that that cane has on me is so intense, i feel myself very much beaten for His pleasure.

When i heard Him tell me to worship His feet i immediately moved my attention from His cock to His feet, licking and kissing them as i heard Him tell me to lap them as the horny bitch i was. The caning became more intense and His fingers were thrusting harder in and out of my longing cunt and all i could think was how much i wanted to feel Him take me. Like through a mist i heard Him tell me that He didn't think my arse was ready yet it still needed some marks. He began to hit me harder and faster and i remembered His words of a few days previous when He'd caned me in the same manner and i'd literally tried to crawl away from Him because i could not catch up or get a grip on the pain, that was His exact reason for doing it that way, because He knew i could not deal with it and He enjoyed to see me suffer. Just as the pain became unbearable i felt Him suddenly thrust deep inside me, there is no way i can begin to describe how that feels. He fills me totally, sometimes to the point of being painful, when i feel His cock swell and begin to throb before He explodes inside me i feel totally lost to Him, a totally awesome feeling, only made more intense by the freshly made burning welts on my arse.

my arse was still somewhat sore when Master caned me again today, i fell asleep this afternoon with several welts on my arse and the back of my legs burning and actually only making me more horny and expectant for the day to come.

We have tickets for Peter Gabriel next week (which i am hugely excited about) i'm planning on asking Master if i can remove my piercings before hand, a slave can never be too careful...

Last night i did in fact remember to put on my shoes on time, which however did not mean that i did not receive any punishment. Master gave me 10 strokes with the riding crop because i was late posting about my last punishment. One day i swear i will get it all right.

Last night Master punished me, i had been expecting Him to use the ratan cane as He usually does for punishment but this time He decided to use the rubber paddle, my heart sank. Its pretty vicious even when used lightly. i had no idea how many strokes i would receive which was new, Master usually tells me before hand so i just started to count after the first stroke and hope that it would be 10 but i was expecting a lot more.

With each stroke Master hit harder and it became more and more difficult for me to catch my breath in between, when He reached the 10th one it was a lot harder than the previous one, which led me to believe that He would indeed stop at 10 but He continued, the same happened by 15, the 20th lash was so hard my arse was burning and i had to force myself to get back onto my hands and knees and merely hope that that had been the end of it, thankfully it was.